Media Bastard

Alastair Campbell’s appearance on today’s Andrew Marr Show started pleasantly enough. A nice little plug for his book was followed by his insistence that he hadn’t seen Piers Morgan’s recorded interview with Gordon Brown because he had been at a football match. Frankly, Media Bastard wouldn’t put it past Campbell to have had it projected live onto the big screen at Turf Moor.

And then came an interesting moment. Campbell, asked whether Tony Blair had misled Parliament over the Iraq War, was momentarily lost for words. The great enforcer had to pause a moment and compose himself, looking on the verge of tears. Marr hunched forward towards him, scenting prey, like a giant vulture poking its steely beak into an upturned dustbin.

“I’ve been through a lot on this Andrew. And I’ve been through a lot of that enquiry,” came Campbell’s shaky-voiced response. It was like Martin Bashir’s interview with Diana, only the third person in this marriage was a burly, illiterate Texan.

Once his Peter Andre moment was over, however, the master-showman leapt quickly back to his master’s side, insisting passionately that Blair “is a totally honourable man.” He then turned his fire to Blair’s numerous critics in the media, arguing that the criticism was simply an obsession with ‘settling scores’. Nothing to do with pursuing the truth, then.

And so, whether the Campbell’s brief wobble was staged or not, this morning was simply another example of his unparalleled skill at his job. For those unfamiliar with the methodology of spin, below is a quick guide:

Step 1: Receive divine truth of authority.
Step 2: Do not, under any circumstances, question divine truth. It is divine. There’s stuff in the bible about that.
Step 3: Convince everyone else of truth by whatever means possible.
Step 4: Convince self of truth.
Step 5: Ensure truth matches authority’s version of truth.
Step 6: Wax lyrical about divinity of authority.
Step 7: If shit hits fan, return to Step 4 and repeat.