Estate agents: You are merely parasites feeding on the bottom of the rapidly capsizing ocean liner that is modern capitalism. Your lives are grey deserts of mediocrity, coloured only by spatterings of sick from your last Friday night out. Your parents weep at night when they think of how little you’ve achieved and how ashamed they are when their friends ask what you do. Were there a god you would have a special place in hell – which you’d probably describe as a “warm and vibrant neighbourhood”
